Tuesday, March 28, 2006

For The Record..

Ok let's get something straight; I have no regrets. Sundance doesn't want me, boo -fuckin' hoo. Slamdance don't wanna dance, well call me Gloria 'cause I will survive bitch. I shot this movie and it's the tits!

ok...that's better. So let me fill you in on a few things. I shot a short to get into the game. Now before you start with all your "oh here we go another bitter dude who has just found out that life take a little work" soliloquy let's state the facts.

I did not go the mini-dv, wing and a prayer route for world domination....oh no. I shot on super 16mm bitches. I have 15 speaking roles, I got 12 locations, I got a car stunt, a fight sequence. My DP is the fuckin' tits and I'll bus' you in the mouth if you say different. I have 5 cameos, a money sound track.. and some funny ass dialogue. Oh yeah and I'm $50K in the hole.

But they hate me. They hate me, they hate me, they hate me, they really fuckin' hate me. But whatever, I got a pound of weed and 9 months left on my withoutabox account (speaking of which could you sort the festivals by final deadline...who gives a fuck about the initial deadlines). I am up in this blog to put it down for all you aspiring filmmakers and those of you that have made it and need a good laugh. So here goes.

We had the plan to flip the script on all these motherfuckers and shoot something real. I am not going to parade out a bunch of filmmaking pedigrees, but we do kind of know our shit. If you are not in the know for contemporary filmmaking I'll toss out a few statistics for you. Sundance received nearly 4ooo submission for less than 100 screeing slots. Who the fuck isn't shooting a movie.

Well we decided to use this to our advantage because to be frank, American independent film (on this level) is not setting a lot of technical proficiency records. Thanks to books like "Feature filmmaking at used car prices" and the stories of no budget wonders like Clerks (BTW the film you saw cost way more than $10K) everyone is trying to do it for as cheap as possible.

So we went the other way. We shot film, and we spent 2 years in preproduction and we have more style than you can shake a C-stand at. For us we do not believe that idie = no art department; no we wanted to show them that we are ready to shoot features.

This is what I have learned thus far. Programmers and festivals are concerned with short film as its own artform. As long as it is under 14 min's and doesn't try to be anything but a distraction. Now you may have sensed a little bitterness in that last comment (a bitter filmmaker...no way) but come-the-fuck-on; it's a 30 min section - should you really be penalized for using the entire 30 min's? ahh but I digress...

The purpose of this blog is to let you follow the story of a group of filmmakers that refused to let their self worth be determined by the bizarro universe that is the festival circuit.

As I type, I am preparing this huge LA premiere, no asshole I mean huge. Celeb's, hookers, coke...man I got all that shit. Not to mention Z cars and a nice film. Of course I don't have a theater because people are being difficult. But I bought a gun today so I think negotiations will go a bit smoother...

so were are we? I am chasing celebs, trying to find 30 really cherry Z cars (no, not a BMW roadster you metro-man bag- pussy) and a place to have the bomb ass reception. I'm talking 3 dj's...mad beats and weed.

ok.. I am supposed to be running an ad on craigslist (no that's where all the upstanding producers hang out)... ok...see ya when I see ya... and remember : if they don't program your film....it's becuase they fuckin' hate it..



Anonymous FunkyBastard said...

Sex, Love, And Z Parts is the shit...!!!! Go to this screening and party. It's going to be off the hook!

Doah Insider...

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just tell me, was that your yellow Z, The yellow Z being picked up by the Nazis in Westwood today?
Well man, she still looked hot with her wheels all shiny even on the back of the flatbed trying to haul her ass to the pound!
I bet she felt like Lil' Kim on her way to lockdown!
Hope you saved her ass Dude?

1:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey...I know filmmakers who got into Sundance with a short and still had to struggle for years to get the money and backing to make a feature. So getting into sundance can open a few more doors for you but it doesn't guarantee anything.

Keep submitting to festivals and shopping the short around. I suggest you have a screenplay or some ideas to go along with it because when you do meet someone who likes the short, they are going to ask you what's your next project. You better have an answer or they will move on to something or someone else.

If all else fails, stand out on the street corners and sell dvd's of your film like a bootlegger. I've bought $10 cd's from indie artists on the streets here in Chicago, so I'm sure people will do the same for indie filmmakers.

5:37 PM  

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