Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It seems as if I woke up one day and I was forty.

Yeah.. the birthday passed…the party was…uh.. happening I’ve been told. I got so fucking plastered that I walked around with a massive erection and tried to molest every woman I could get my hands on (uh…another reason I prefer weed to alcohol)…but as I slept off the hangover and the shame the reason for my concern came to the forefront…I’m fucking 40!

It’s not the end of the world…other people have achieved this age (so I’ve been told)…but there is a reason for concern…I have shit to show for it.
Well…all that is about to change. The aforementioned TV show that I’ve been “developing” (that’s an industry term for running ads on Craigslist and trying to get unsuspecting women to send me pictures of their bodies)…it’s finally ready to move to the next stage of ….development. Ok…ok.. I’m being facetious. I’ve actually done a lot of work on the show and I didn’t get any naked pictures of women (but I did try).

As you know I hate all my competition and my peers cause I’m a misanthrope who thinks all you hookers work for me, so you should not be surprised that I have some things to comment on and complain about. I’ve been spending my time trying to fuck my ex-girlfriend (I mean she has a sweet pussy) and slowing turning my Z into the most feared car in SCCA autocross (ok..maybe that’s an embellishment). But it all comes together in a nice meat pie (trust me on this).

In order to produce this show I need to have all the pieces, which I have; and I also need to physically get out of the house and talk to a few people who might have some…uh…money! To facilitate this I rejoined my producers group which really doesn’t do that much for me. Well that’s not completely true. I do get to talk a little film, but mostly I’m trying to fuck most of the women in the group…and as of yet I’ve been unsuccessful. Though the organizer of my group…man do I want to hop on her. But being that I’m a feminist (no, really) I need to stop thinking this way…but I am still a man.. so I should be allowed the occasionally hormone inspired delusion.
Anyways… I’ve attended that last three meetings and I’ve been none too happy with what has transpired. Don’t get me wrong, the group does have some good attributes and I would recommend anyone who is just starting out to join a group because you have to practice being near the industry so you know how to act. I, most definitely do not know how to act. I drink too much, I’m always looking for sex and I never met a speed limit I didn’t try to almost double (I drive a fast car)….but we were talking about film.

I’m sure those of you who know me or know this blog are curious how I’m making this “transition” to Television. Well, I’m not. That is not meant to insinuate that I’m not making a TV show.. I most certainly am, but I’m not defecting to TV. I am a filmmaker. I do my best work with several days of shooting, a crew who loves me (can you fucking fake it…Jesus!) and post production that allows me to develop a serious gummy cola habit (gummy colas are the tits). That’s what I’m good at . But I need millions…no, MILLIONS to make my feature. And for those of you that are new to the blog please don’t start with your “you don’t need millions to make a film”… no, you don’t… and you don’t need Billions to make a rocket. If you want the rocket to leave the atmosphere you do…and if you want a reasonable chance for the film to be seen, you do. Get it?!?!

There is no award for making the most from the least (too many superlatives BTW…that statement makes no sense)…but more importantly let me underscore my prima fascia belief.

“It doesn’t matter how cheaply you shoot your film if no one is willing to pay to see it”

…you need to memorize that and think about how it applies to guerilla filmmaking. Yes, I do think there are some…attractive attributes to guerilla filmmaking, but they are far outweighed by the downsides…which are thinking small and only being able to utilize small crews. Sure, you’re really talented…you aren’t constrained by these things… really? So you think a 10 man crew shooting for 2 days at a time over 9 months to complete a short…is going to prepare you for a $5MM feature with an 80 man crew shooting in 20 locations? You don’t want to make those kinds of movies? Then what the fuck are you doing? Your films must get bigger and more involved if you are to have a career…it’s just that simple…


….but I digress.

The TV show is not a …diversion. To the contrary, it’s an ability for us to redress what it is we really want; autonomy. I’m not pitching a “look what I can put in my mouth” TV show. Or a “look how desperate these people are to avoid being alone” TV show (hey.. I’m alone.. It hasn’t killed me)…no, no, no. That’s not what I’m trying to do.
What about a cool concept, with interesting visuals and more to show you than excess? That’s what I have..that’s what I’m going to shoot.

Look…I can yell and scream about how awesome my feature is and how dope my filmmaking skills are…but they aren’t listening and don’t need to listen. Cause there are so many of us shooting and screaming at them (and submitting to them). So we needed something new…and something profitable.

Profit…yeah, that’s the ticket. Film requires the outlay of many thousands if not millions of dollars and then months upon months of waiting for an opportunity to make back your investment and a little more for you trouble. Therefore the TV show is the logical choice for filmmakers like myself.

I aim to produce a show that has the ability to be consumed on broadcast TV, cable, DVD and online streaming/downloads. Flexible media is the key.

It doesn’t matter if the networks say no, I can parse the different portions of the show into discreet media to be consumed by selected audiences…all of which advertise my production company.

Sound crazy?

Cooprdog

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Considering you've not made anything anyone wants to watch, maybe you need to rethink this.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

You're trippin'. I love it!

9:22 AM  

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