Monday, April 24, 2006

6:15PM and the beat goes on....

So I found the Z guys and met the models and now we are all on the roof of structure 5 and the photographer cat that Ice got for me (“dude…he’s money…no worries”) is really getting’ it done.

I got hot chicks laying on my car….ok.. this director shit is not bad…but watch the boots miss….that’s a piece of automotive history that you are laying on.

So everything is going hunky-dory (is that like the whitest phrase ever-or what?) and then some one says “hey it’s almost 7:30PM. A wave of fear runs through me, I am going to be late to my own fuckin’ premiere….I have got to get my shit together.

So I am busting down the steps (ok that’s a lie I took the elevator…but fuck you I’m 37) and when I get to the ground floor I am running like a shoplifter at K mart (not that I shop there) I come around the corner through the tunnel next to the Broadway deli and what I see almost knocks me over.

There are almost 30 people in line to see my film…..getthefuckouttahere. Ok so lightheaded isn’t even the word to describe the lack of sound coming out of my face. As I approach the entrance next to the box office.. people are reaching out and yelling my name…well either that or cussin’ me out….but I’d like to go with the star struck admiration is that’s ok with you. I go into the theater and it’s chaos. The theater is filling up and people aren’t on the RSVP list and it’s drama..

…man this is awesome!

Next time lets do this is a 50 seater and watch them fight. So I’m kind of getting excited (but I am still acting like everyone is a pain in my ass and about to ruin my night….so they still respect me). I see my DP and Partner Detective Budd approaching from inside the theater.

Fade In:
Int. Theater Lobby

Cooprdog and Detective Budd exchange looks as they walk toward one another.


Detective Budd
I know, Tell me about it.

Is this for real?

Detective Budd

What the fuck does that mean?

Detective Budd
It means I switched our film with Phat Girls on the theater signs in the lobby

Are you serious?

Detective Budd
No…not really.

You are scaring me

Detective Budd
You know you weren’t this much of a pussy when we started this project.

Why I got to be all that?

Detective Budd
I’m just sayin’…I’m just sayin’.

Detective Budd is totally relaxed and I feel like I am about to shoot a basket ball out of my ass. But then I remember that when a film sucks, nobody blames the DP….fuck detective Budd! the place is like mad packed and they are eager for the show to start. We have like 15 people standing in the back of the theater…listening to Portal rip his shit up (if you missed Roxanne…you might as well kill yourself….no, seriously). So the theater says we have to remove all the people that are standing. So we have to boot like fifteen motherfuckers out of this show and into the next.

I felt really bad…right before Detective Budd said “man that’s awesome”. Ok.. so this shit is startin’ to rock.

We screened for 166 persons in the first screening and 80+ in the second. It was the largest audience we have ever screened the film for. Unlike my past screenings where I was quick to stack the deck with friends and family (who apparently have no problem tellin’ you your shit is booty at a focus screening)…this time it was a fair amount of media and industry cats AKA motherfuckers who have no problem hatin’.

This outta be good; I need to smoke a fattie before this.



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