Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The ATL

Ok so if you have a weight problem…fly to Atlanta and walk to baggage claim. I guarantee that you lose 50 fucking pounds. I realize that they did this for the Olympics, but does that mean that to get around the airport your have to be as fit as a motherfucker in the Olympics? I should have stayed in the west.

Rule number #1 don’t laugh - this is how people talk down here. I mean I thought I was trapped in an episode of Heat of the Night (and fuck Archie Bunkers racist ass). But I stopped making Bubba and NASCAR jokes when I realized how outnumbered I was (# of homies from the Westside – 1, # of country motherfuckers – a billion). So I get my rental car and I’m outta here…

Rule #2 motherfuckers drive hella slow – no I mean hella slow. I am talkin’ 50 MPH to pass. Are you fuckin’ kidding me? This is a highway…that means you get high and you go on your way..fast as you can. Well that is not how they do it here so…when in Rome…

Rule #3 Not the fastest moving motherfuckers I have ever met. I mean I hope I don’t have a fucking heart attack because the ambulance will be here sometime between tomorrow and never. It’s like beyond frustrating. Do they even have fast food down here?

Rule #4
Country motherfuckers love to eat. I mean they throw down. This ain’t tofu-starve yourself to death-Los Angeles…these people know how to get it done.

Rule #5 Scary lights on the police cars. The only way I can describe it is Xmas lights that have been dropping Ecstasy and listening to Prodigy. If you had these in west Hollywood, every traffic stop would turn into a rave.

Rule #6
It’s fucking hot…so stay the fuck inside.

Checking in was cool but what is the deal with having to pay to park when you rent a room nowadays? When the fuck did that become a common practice? So I do my hi and hellos and I am off to my room. I am screening in 26 hrs so I need to get my head right.

COOPRDOG

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