Director observation: women touch you when you screen well.
Now that right there is enough to make you want to be a shooter. I am making really funny mistakes like introducing myself to everyone, but everyone knows who I am (it’s like that when you screen big.). The party is money. The open bar lasts for like 1:45 min’s and motherfuckers are startin’ to get lit. I got h’orduvers floating around on trays accompanied by waiters….and you know what, when you are the one paying for the food…they never skip you.
The Money guys:
Now this is why we did it, to raise money for the feature. $2.5MM to be exact…yeah go ahead and hate but nobody ever won the Indy 500 driving a K-car…so shut the fuck up! Where was I…oh yeah… the money guys. You know it’s a trip when you chase money guys you know you have to be like a hooker with bad vision….you know act like you don’t notice them in your party and at your screening because you don’t want to appear desperate (you are 3 months behind in your rent and you are feeding your dog Ramen noodles…but no…everything is fine) till they notice you and then you are ready to do what ever they say just to have a conversation about maybe financing a film in your genre by the end of the decade (it would be funny if it wasn’t true). So I’m trying to do this (I am interested – no I am not- yes I am still interested) thing and drink a pint (courtesy of the first lady of 420 – yeah we had a first lady…but still you didn’t come out – weak!). I am smiling and laughing and trying not to say things like “gimmie the money or your kid is a gonner”…or even worse “I’m saying if you had someone you wanted killed I might consider it…if we are talkin’ about my full budget” (I’ll be in post before the try me) but it’s kind of tough. I keep it short and I keep moving. And as per usual when you leave the money guys you have no idea how it went of what they are thinkin’.
Time for another pint.
I have had four sincere conversations about my career and I’m glad I did this. I mean don’t get me wrong there are a lot of other things you could have done with the cash I spent; but we threw a great party and everyone is dancing and getting fucked up….so I think we did 420 justice.
I’m getting loaded now and my jokes are still funny. People are giving me business cards…this is nuts.
Ok.. now things start to get out of hand. With the utterance of three words (those words being “drink”, “pussy” & “tequila”) and next thing I know there are 6 guys lined up with me to knock down some Patron. Now the last time I did this I kicked the side view mirror of a car and started a huge bar brawl (but I was young then).
So it goes shot….chaser…another shot…now I am dancing with my GF….and now I am being pulled away to go outside to the parking structure…must be a meeting of the green leaf association…
Now I’m a bit faded…I just need to find the one from Arizona and bounce to the hotel (oh I got plans motherfucker).
So there is kissing in the elevator…and more kissing in the elevator and it’s getting’ hot (it’s good to be the director)….and then it happened.
She walked out of the elevator and fell off the curb (guys…if she hits the ground in your presence…it’s your bad…I don’t care if it’s an earthquake). So now I’m like trippin’ and feelin’ like an ass because I’m like a superhero…I was supposed to be on that shit (on top of that shit=paying attention=in control like Janet (no not Janet Reno)) and in the following seconds I am kissing and apologizing and helping her into the Z….and we are off to the hotel… that is a whole block away.
Ok.. so somewhere in the last 300 yards I have lost my celli. But I never lose my celli…shit I’d lose my dick before my celli. So I decide to not make the valet guy bring my car back,, because he can barely get the thing in gear as it is (filmmaking is very rough on your car). So I go to bed content that my GF is a hottie and that my film is the bomb and that my cell is somewhere in the hotel room.
Ok.. it’s 7AM..and I am awake because I still cannot find my cell and I have to take agent Five back to asshole land (no not the Beverweil Ralph’s…but close).
My gf is passed out, there are gummy colas all over the hotel room, I have no cell and it’s the most important day of my life. So if you ignore the loss of a $200 piece of equipment, letting my GF fall down, the scrap at the RSVP table and kickin’ people out of a standing room only section…. It was a successful night….
Now how do I follow this up?